Jokes in English for the ESL/EFL Classroom

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

pulled over = اتوموبیل را به کنار جاده راندن ،کنار زدن

Jerk = آدم احمق و نادان

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"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".

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A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

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A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!

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ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with "I is a vowel".

ESL  = English as a Second Language

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A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

Prescription

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor office. After the

check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, " if you don't do the

following , your husband will surely die."

" 1- Each morning , make him a healthy  breakfast and send him off to  work in a good mood."

" 2- At lunchtime , make him a warm , nutritious meal and put him in a

good form of mind before he goes back to work."

" 3- For dinner, make an especially nice meal and do not burden him with

household chores."

At home , the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her."

"You ' re going  to die." She replied.