زنان و مردان ؟؟
- A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment. Achieve goals and prove his competence and feel good about himself.
- To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves.
- In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.
- Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.
- Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.
- Men's self esteem is more career-related.
- Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women
- Men hate to ask for information because it shows they are a failure.
- Aggressive = behaving in an angry or threatening way
- combative = ready to fight or argue
- territorial = relating to land that is owned or controlled by a particular country
- devastated = extremely sad and shocked
- setbacks = a problem that happens that stops you from making progress
Other differences :
- Men are more logical, analytical, rational.
- Women are more intuitive, holistic ,creative, integrative.
- Men are actually more vulnerable and dependent on relationships than women are and are more devastated by the ending, since they have fewer friends and sources of emotional support.
- Men are more at ease with their own angry feelings than women are.
- Women are in touch with a much wider range of feelings than men, and the intensity of those feelings is usually much greater for women than men. As a result of this, many man perceive that women's feelings appear to change quickly; men may find this irrational and difficult to understand.
- Men tend to be more functional in approaching problem-solving; women are aesthetically-oriented in addition to being functional.
- Women tend to be much more sensitive to sounds and smells than men are; and women as such tend to place a greater emphasis on "atmosphere".
- intuitive = based on feelings rather than facts
- holistic = dealing with the whole
integrative = involving communication between people
devastated = destroyed
perceive = understand
irrational = not reasonable
aesthetic = relating to beauty and the study of beauty
CONFLICTS WHICH ARISE DUE TO BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN :
- The most frequent complain men have about women: Women are always trying to change them.
- The most frequent complaint women have about men: Men don't listen.
- Women want empathy, yet men usually offer solutions.
- When a woman tries to change or improve or correct or give advice to a man, men hear that they are being told that they aren't competent or don't know how to do something or that they can't do something on their own.
- Men often feel responsible or to blame for women's problems.
- Men always assume women want advice and solutions to problems, that is the best way to be helpful and to show love; women often just want someone to sincerely listen to them.
- Men often try to change a woman's mood when she is upset by offering solutions to her problems, which she interprets as discounting and invalidating her feelings.
- Women try to change men's behavior by offering unsolicited advice and criticism and becoming a home-improvement committee.
- Discounting = considering something is not important and true
- unsolicited = not wanted
HOW TO WORK WITH THESE DIFFERENCES :
- When women are upset, it is not the time to offer solutions, though that may be appropriate at a future time when she is calmed down.
- A man appreciates advice and criticism when it is requested. Men want to make improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
- Men have great needs for status and independence (emphasis on separate and different); women have needs for intimacy and connection (emphasis on close and same).
- Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation.
- Women are motivated when they feel special,cherished.
- Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement.
- Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.
Devotion = great love and loyalty
Cherished = important
Approval = acceptance , the opinion that someone is good